how to deal if growing up with an angry mother

Growing up with an angry mother

Growing up with an angry mother could be scary

The relationship between a parent and child is special and unique, particularly that between a mother and child. Mothers are often the primary caregivers of a child, changing their entire lifestyle and routines for the sake of their children. As such, the bond between a mother and child tends to grow stronger over time. However, what happens when the parent, particularly the mother, becomes angry with their child?

Impact of Parental Anger on a Child

According to research, parental anger can have negative effects on a child. When parents are angry, particularly when they are prone to aggression, screaming, and shouting, their children may become more aggressive and non-compliant. Kids may become less empathetic and develop poor overall adjustment skills. Parental anger has also been linked to delinquency and can continue to impact adult children through increased depression, social alienation, spouse abuse, and career and economic achievement.

The legacy of a parent’s anger can have a cost

It is important to help parents who suffer from chronic anger to learn how to deal with their anger effectively, particularly when it comes to their children. Parents often become angry with their children because they do not comply with their expectations. It is helpful for parents to learn about the normal expectations for children for each age and stage of growth and development. This information can be found in many parenting books. A clear understanding of a child’s temperament, or the characteristics a child is born with, can also be insightful when trying to understand a child’s reaction to their parent.

Breaking Legacies of a Parent’s Anger

If parents are willing to learn about anger and become more proficient in responding to anger in healthy ways, significant benefits can result within the family’s environment. Caregivers can be calmer with children, promote emotional and relational health, and be less fearful of their children’s anger.. They can better appreciate the underlying causes of a child’s or adult’s anger and become less afraid of their own anger. This can lead to a reduction in destructive family legacies around anger and enable parents to model coping with anger in healthy ways. They’ll feel better equipped to handle their own and their children’s anger, and more self-assured.

What is it like growing up with an angry mother?

Growing up with an angry mother can be a challenging and traumatic experience for a child. A mother’s anger can take many forms, such as verbal or physical abuse, neglect, or emotional manipulation. Here are the three most important things to know about growing up with an angry mother:

  • Children who grow up with angry mothers are more likely to develop mental health issues later in life, such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
  • Children who grow up with angry mothers may struggle with forming healthy relationships due to trust issues and a lack of emotional regulation skills.
  • Children who grow up with angry mothers may experience difficulties with self-esteem, self-worth, and may feel unworthy of love and attention.

The Mother-Child Bond

The mother-child bond is unique and begins right from conception. A mother shares a deep and special relationship with her child, and this bond tends to get stronger with the passage of time. However, it is important to remember that fathers are also important in the lives of their children. While mothers may spend more time with their children, fathers still have a significant role in shaping their children’s personalities and behavior.

Parents are role models for children, and they learn directly from them. The words of parents do not have as much impact on children as their actions, particularly when it comes to mothers. When mothers have short tempers, they can make their children feel insecure and enclosed in their own shells. This can lead to issues in the children’s personal and social lives. Children can also develop a communication gap between themselves and their mothers and can become aggressive themselves.

Anger and the Family | Growing up with an angry mother

Dealing with anger is essential to ensuring a healthy family. Besides less stress, children will feel more secure and have higher self-esteem. They will enjoy more time and fun with their family. To create emotionally safe homes, we must cope with anger’s impact on our children.

The table below outlines some key differences between the parenting styles of an angry mother and a loving mother, and how those differences can impact a child’s development.

CharacteristicAngry MotherLoving Mother
Emotional SecurityThe child feels insecure and anxiousThe child feels safe and secure
CommunicationCommunication gap occursOpen and effective communication
AggressionChild becomes aggressiveLess likely to be aggressive is the child.
Self-esteemLow self-esteem due to constant criticism and angerHigh self-esteem due to praise and encouragement
EmpathyLack of empathy due to a negative environmentDevelops empathy due to a positive environment
Overall AdjustmentPoor overall adjustmentPositive overall adjustment

Emotional Security: A child of an angry mother may feel insecure and anxious due to the constant anger and criticism they face. Whereas, a child of a loving mother feels safe and secure due to positive reinforcement and nurturing.

Communication: An angry mother leads to a communication gap between herself and her child, which can lead to misunderstandings and negative relationships. A loving mother promotes open and effective communication with her child, creating a positive and healthy environment.

Aggression: An angry mother’s constant aggression may cause a child to become aggressive as well. Whereas, a loving mother’s nurturing environment may result in a child who is less likely to be aggressive.

Self-esteem: An angry mother’s constant criticism and anger can lead to a child with low self-esteem. A loving mother, on the other hand, encourages and praises her child, leading to a child with high self-esteem.

Empathy: A negative environment created by an angry mother can lead to a child lacking empathy. In contrast, a loving mother promotes empathy and understanding, leading to a child who develops strong empathetic skills.

Overall Adjustment: A child of an angry mother may have a poor overall adjustment due to the negative environment. A child of a loving mother, on the other hand, is likely to have a positive overall adjustment due to the nurturing environment.

It is important to note that these are generalizations and not every child will respond the same way to each parenting style. However, research has shown that loving, nurturing parenting is generally more beneficial for a child’s overall development and well-being.

It is crucial for parents to recognize the impact of their anger on their children’s overall well-being. Children of angry parents tend to be less empathetic, more aggressive and have poor overall adjustment. Moreover, parental anger can continue to affect adult children in various ways, including increased depression and social alienation. Parents must learn to deal effectively with their anger, understand normal expectations for children at different developmental stages, and break destructive family legacies around anger. Dealing with anger in healthy ways will promote emotional and relational health, making family life more enjoyable and stress-free. Mothers, in particular, have a deep and unique bond with their children, and it is essential for them to maintain a calm and nurturing presence to ensure their child’s security and healthy development.

Strategies and Tips to Overcome Your Anger with Your Children as a Mother

As a mother, it can be difficult to keep your emotions in check, especially when dealing with challenging situations with your children. However, it’s important to manage your anger to prevent it from negatively impacting your relationships with your kids. Here are some strategies and tips to help you overcome your anger with your children.

Understand the Root Cause of Your Anger

To manage your anger effectively, it’s essential to understand what triggers it. Ask yourself what’s causing your frustration and irritation with your children. Is it the constant disobedience or the feeling of not being heard or understood? Once you identify the root cause, you can take steps to manage your emotions.

Take a Pause

When you feel angry, take a break and step away from the situation. Take a few deep breaths and calm yourself down. This will give you time to think rationally and react appropriately rather than impulsively. Remember that anger is a natural emotion, and it’s okay to feel upset or frustrated. However, how you respond to these emotions is what matters.

Communicate Effectively

When you’re angry, it’s easy to lash out at your children, but this can lead to a breakdown in communication. Instead, try to communicate your emotions and needs effectively. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming your children. For example, say “I feel frustrated when you don’t listen to me” instead of “You never listen to me.”

Practice Self-Care

As a mother, it’s easy to put your own needs last. However, taking care of yourself is essential to managing your anger effectively. Make time for yourself every day to do something that makes you happy, such as reading a book, taking a walk, or having a relaxing bath. This will help you feel more relaxed and less stressed, which can help you manage your emotions better.


Q: What are some physical signs of anger? A: Some physical signs of anger include increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, and sweating.

Q: How can I prevent my anger from negatively impacting my relationship with my children? A: To prevent your anger from negatively impacting your relationship with your children, it’s important to manage your emotions effectively. This includes taking a pause, communicating effectively, and practicing self-care.

Q: Is it okay to feel angry as a mother? A: Yes, it’s okay to feel angry as a mother. Anger is a natural emotion, and it’s important to acknowledge and manage it effectively.


Managing your anger as a mother can be challenging, but it’s essential to prevent it from negatively impacting your relationships with your children. Understanding the root cause of your anger, taking a pause, communicating effectively, and practicing self-care are some effective strategies and tips to help you overcome your anger with your children. Remember, it’s okay to feel angry, but how you manage your emotions is what matters.

There are several government websites that provide useful information and resources for parenting. Here are a few examples:

  1. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers information on child development, parenting tips, and child health and safety. Their website is
  2. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) provides research-based information on child development and parenting. Their website is
  3. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Child Welfare Information Gateway provides resources on a range of topics related to parenting, including child abuse and neglect prevention, adoption, and foster care. Their website is
  4. The Administration for Children and Families (ACF) offers resources for parents on topics such as child care, child support, and early childhood development. Their website is

These websites offer valuable information and support for parents and caregivers.

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